Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I Shouldn't Be Resentful

I called my mom the other day to wish her a happy birthday. She was in good spirits and we had a nice conversation. She asked me about my pregnancy and due date, etc. (I've told her my due date before but I have to repeat things many times for my mother). Then she said how much she wants to try to get up where I live when the "Big Event" happens. (She doesn't drive further than a few miles from her home--and that's a good thing). I said, yeah, I'm trying to figure out what we're going to do when the time comes and I need to go to the hospital--we'll need someone to come help out with Handsome Man. She then reiterated that she hoped she could come and be there and help out. (Side note: I don't know how much actual help my mother would be...but the sentiment was nice) But then after I hung up the phone I started thinking....That's really nice but where the F*ck were you when we brought home Handsome Man?? I'm pretty sure we went a couple of months before she even met her grandson. She wasn't in any rush to get up here then... and then I think when she did finally meet him it was because Mister and I drove down there. I know, she doesn't drive, yada yada, but if she is willing to make arrangements (to get a ride with my sister or brother in law or one of my nieces) to get herself up here when the baby is born, then....well, I'll say it again: Where the F*ck were you 3 years ago? Sure we'll need even more help now because I'll be recovering from childbirth, we'll have an infant AND a toddler. And I will not say NO to any help that is offered, just out of spite. I know I shouldn't feel resentful but I do. Even though I didn't give birth to Handsome Man, he was our First Born, and I just wish my mother would have acted as excited for his homecoming as she is acting about this baby on the way.

Again, I know I shouldn't complain. My mother is showing interest in my life and my family and that is a plus. She is expressing a desire to come and be involved and that is saying something for her... Maybe it's just hormones making me crazy.


Tracy said...

I think it would be hard to overcome my resentment, too. With that said, it's probably best if you just give her the benefit of the doubt. It surely won't do HM any good if this discrepancy is pointed out to him, ya know?
Hope you're doing well otherwise...I think of you and wonder about you from time to time so it's always good to hear an update. Even when it's something shitty like your mom acting as though she's favoring your second child.

Good Egg Hunting said...

I don't know the whole story about your relationship with your mom, but I do know that for me, pregnancy has sort of brought into sharper relief the deeper-rooted issues I have with my own mother. I find those qualities (possessiveness, controlling) that have always bothered me even more bothersome. I'm not sure if it's because she's been even more annoying than usual (I think that's part of it -- her own anxiety is overcoming her and she's "acting out") or the hormones or the fact that I'm going to be a mother soon so I see my own mother's shortcomings more clearly. But I just say this to tell you that you're totally normal for feeling the way you do, and I don't find it at all surprising or disturbing that you would feel resentful about your mother's attitude toward your second baby versus your first. Hang in there, though...I try to remind myself that it ultimately doesn't matter what my mother thinks...what matters most is this family I have now and how I approach my own child, which I have full control over!

Expectant Duck said...

Yeah I would have problems with that too. BUT if it was my mom I would NOT let her come and "help" whether I was giving birth or adopting.
I have issues with my mother and no way in hell she or ANYONE is allowed to visit us until we have had at least 6 weeks with our babies by ourselves.