Alright, I'm going in...
Today is the day. My appointment with a new RE. I am very nervous and sort of jittery right now. Which is weird, because up until today, I've been totally calm about the whole thing. I guess now that it's here...I am nervous about what he is going to say. I am afraid it will just be more bad news. Or, I should say, the same news as before. Which is bad. I am afraid he will just give me the whole Donor Egg speech again. I'm afraid he will say I have useless ovaries.
The good news this time though, is....I am a little better prepared. I know some things he might say, and I though I don't want to hear them, I am prepared to hear them. This time around, I am at least already a Mom. I have that little boy to go home to, so I feel a little less desperate. A little. Also, my sister is coming to meet me and take care of Baby Boy during our (Mister is coming with me, thank goodness) appointment. So, I have double support if it goes badly. This time I have more questions to ask, and I am also more empowered with the knowledge (despite what this RE might tell me) that women with my condition can and do get pregnant. Some even naturally. Many with the help of drugs, IUI, or IVF. With their own eggs. And....that even if none of those things ever work for me, I know two things: 1. I am a good mother, and my son loves me. If we adopt again, my other child(ren) will love me, too. 2. If I reeeeeaaaally need to experience pregnancy some day, I can do the Donor Egg thing later, when finances allow. There is not such a rush if I'm not using my eggs, and I can still experience pregnancy.
But, I still want a miracle. I still want that pregnancy. I still want some spark of hope. I still want a different outcome than what has come before.
We shall see. I'll update tomorrow.
Wish me luck!!