Limbo Lower, Now

I have been hiding under a huge rock. I am sorry for those of you who still check on this blog or who still have an interest, that I have been seemingly unable to write. I also have been very bad about checking on my bloggie friends and so I've been really out of touch.

It seems like when one door opens, another one gets slammed in our faces...

All went well at Handsome Man's IEP meeting. (Yes, we got an official meeting). After being fully evaluated by the psychologist and speech therapist (both of whom were very thorough, pleasant, helpful and understanding) we received an Individual Education Plan for HM. He will be enrolled in a preschool that is part of the Head Start program, and his IEP allows him to have an aide (he will be among 8 students in the class that have IEP's and there are 2 aides for those kids, in addition to the teacher and teacher's aide for the class in general). Of course we are already at the end of the school year (hard to believe I started this process back in October!) so all of this will take effect at the start of the school year in September. What a huge obstacle overcome, and a huge sigh of relief on my part. Yeah.

Then the door slammed.

Mister lost his job.

This all happened about a month ago, and I have been in a huge funk ever since. Of course Mister isn't exactly happy about it either. He's been looking for work and we are still in limbo. One of our potential options for work would require us to move to another state. And that's all I can say about it right now. Which means all that hard work I did for getting the IEP gets flushed down the toilet and I have to start over. It means all my recent plans and excitement about getting back to work and making my 'comeback' and the new venture I have been planning with a new business partner...flushed down the toilet. I am completely cut off at the knees and it feels like the last several months of my life have been a total waste.

Then of course the WORST possible outcome would be Mister gets no job offers, local or in another state, and we run out of money.

I have been living in a total state of limbo for the past month and though I've been trying to stay positive and hopeful and pragmatic, it's starting to wear on me. I can't sleep well, I'm tired and cranky ALL THE TIME. I'm depressed.

It is hard feeling like you have absolutely NO control whatsoever over your own destiny, but I guess I should be used to that feeling after 6 or so years of struggling with family building. Really, why this comes as any surprise, I don't know. I guess I just thought there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel: We were out of debt, Mister's job was going great (as far as we knew), we had two children we had always wanted, I was looking ahead to new horizons on my future career path (baby #3 plans on hold--but that's another post), HM finally was going to get services and be in school, freeing me up a bit to follow some goals.... then, BLAM!

I just haven't known what to say, which is why I haven't said anything. I've been shuffling through my days waiting for good news, a sign, some indication of what's coming next so I can start planning, and preparing. But for now I am still in the extended holding pattern where I can't plan anything, not knowing whether we'll still be here come fall.