Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Coming Up to Speed

Here's a little bit of what's been going on in my world since Thanksgiving...

I chipped one of my front teeth pretty badly when I was a kid. Luckily, I was so young that it continued to grow in. After I got my braces off as a teen, my dentist shaved my two front teeth down to match. You couldn't tell. I've always been told I have really nice teeth and a pretty smile. However, I've always had these tiny little fractures that ran through the enamel of that tooth. Nothing you could see easily, and they never bothered me. Until recently. A few times in recent months I have been head-butted by my rambunctious toddler. Pretty darn hard. Right in the mouth/chin. Over Thanksgiving I was noticing that my front tooth was feeling very sensitive. Luckily for us Mister's company had just switched health insurance, which included dental. So, right after Thanksgiving I went to the dentist and had it checked out. I had no idea the saga that would ensue. The cracks in the tooth had gotten really bad and one was going up into the nerve. One was dissecting the other and the tooth was bound to break any time. I was given three choices: 1. wait for the tooth to crack. 2. Get a crown. 3. Get two matching front veneers (the best option cosmetically speaking). Which do you think I chose? Yep. 3. Which was the most expensive? Yep. 3. And, I had no idea what a long, painful process it would turn out to be. A week later I returned to the dentist to have my teeth prepped for the veneers. Let me just say it was not pleasant. Then, I was given these two janky-looking temporary veneers that I had to wear for two weeks until my real ones came in. My teeth were very sensitive and I was not allowed to bite into anything with my front teeth while I had the temporaries on. And to make matters worse, the soonest they could get the real veneers in was....Dec. 24th. Christmas Eve. Ack. On Christmas Eve I got my real veneers, and I thought the problems were over. Well, they're not. Something is wrong. I have been having a lot of sensitivity and pain, and I have been back to the dentist who just told me this was "normal" and sent me packing. I am going to be making an appointment with another dentist (got a referral from some people at Mister's work) and getting a second opinion. I know it's just teeth and all, but for me it has been sort of traumatic, and has been affecting my quality of life enough to make me a little bummed out.

December 20th: Happy Adoption Day:
We celebrated our first annual Adoption Day. It's hard to believe that it's been one whole year since our adoption was finalized. Handsome Man is still too young to understand the event, but he sure was happy with the balloons (he's crazy for balloons!) and the cupcakes we enjoyed to celebrate. Here's a photo from that day with the judge in the courtroom. What a happy day!

And here's Handsome Man enjoying his first ever chocolate cupcake to celebrate Adoption Day 2008:Christmas:
We spent Christmas in Lodi with Mister's mom and dad. Mister's sister and brother and their families couldn't make it out this year. But, Mister's grandmother was here from Sydney, which is always nice. Handsome Man got so many choo-choos and choo-choo related items, (he's crazy for Tho.mas or anything having to do with trains) it's almost sickening. He is a very lucky (spoiled?) little boy, for sure. Mark and Patty and Eryn sent a big box full of Thom.as goodies. Really nice. I got a new purse, some socks, and lots of little tidbits. I had a pretty bad cold over Christmas, and on top of the tooth pain I was a little out of it, but it wouldn't be Christmas if I wasn't sick!! (Last year I was just getting over a terrible stomach bug!!)

-- As soon as I can figure out how to upload some photos from Mister's camera I'll update with photos from Christmas--

New Year's Eve:
Was terrible. Mister and I had a fight (awesome!). He fell asleep around 10:00 and I stayed up by myself reading to ring in the New Year. It was a little disappointing. I had made a nice (or so I thought) dinner and we had a bottle of champagne, but I kind of felt like I shouldn't have bothered. Mister was not that impressed with the food (I tried a new recipe--though I would knock his socks off!). But oh well. Plus, ever since we've started this infertility journey, I get a little depressed at the New Year--especially since another birthday is right around the corner for me. Another year passed, another year older, and.... I would say, what have I got to show for it, but I know that I do have an amazing, smart, loving, engaged, happy child, and that is something to be grateful for and proud of. But, I have to admit, I've been a little down since we rang in the new year.

What's Ahead:

Yep, crazy as it sounds, just to make things more insane, we're planning on moving. The main reason being that Mister can't handle the commute he is currently doing for much longer. We need to move somewhere closer to S.F. and on a BART line (that's Bay Area Rapid Transit for those of you not familiar with our local lexicon). It is not only important for Mister and Mister's sanity, but for our family as a whole. As it is right now, he rarely gets home before 8pm and HM is usually already asleep. I'm exhausted by that time, too, and of course Mister is as well. We eat dinner, zone out for a little while in front of the tube and then fall asleep. Lather, rinse, repeat, Monday through Friday, and you get the idea. Not fun. So, we're moving. We are going to rent a house (we're in the process of looking now) big enough for our family of 2 adults one active toddler, 2 cats, 1 dog, and my floral business. This means renting a house with at least a two car garage, and 3 bedrooms. We hope to rent out our home (which we own, but can not sell in the current market). Before then, I/we have lots to do to get it rental-ready. Painting, bathroom facelift, and some serious work in bedroom #1 ("master bedroom, if you can call it that) which will include cutting out some drywall and replacing it (there is a leak causing it to mildew behind the wall. I know, nice) painting, re-caulking the window, etc.. A few little finishing touches in the newly re-done kitchen, etc. It is a lot of work....and we'll have to do most of it after we're moved out.

Fertility Treatments?
Mister and I both have started yearning for another child. I know this is a turn around from a few months ago, when Mister was being pretty gloom and doom about the possibility. The other day, we were both giving HM a bath, and Mister turned to me and said, "Can we have another one of these, please?" The comment made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy, because I know that means that the possibility exists for another child in our future. Sad, because I can't just give him another child effortlessly like "everyone else." Bringing another child into this house means, tough decisions, compromise, financial stress--a whole complicated ball of wax. If my body weren't such a piece of shit I could give my husband the family he always wanted, money wouldn't be such a stressful part of our life, we could afford OTHER things that we want, etc., etc.. Oh yeah, and I could fulfill my dreams of birthing a child. All of that.

Anyway, we've started talking about it. We are considering giving IVF a Hail Mary try....we have to work out how much we are going to throw at it though, because we have limited resources. We are considering going overseas for treatment. Meanwhile, I turn 37 next month and I know our chances of success are dwindling as we speak. Gahhhhhhhh. I go back and forth between being excited at the return of hope and possibility, and being frightened and feeling, well, doomed.

A few things that are working in our favor though--Mister did finally get the pay increase he was hoping for. (Otherwise we wouldn't be considering moving or treatments or any of this). My CPA is a goddess and I ended up owing a lot less to the IRS than originally thought (and was able to pay it without having to go on a payment plan). The business debt from Mister's old company should be paid off by April. So, I'm just hoping that my business will pick up a little from last year and I'll be able to bring home the bacon in a serious way again and help make all of this possible. It's a lot at once, but we really can't afford to wait if we're going to do it, we need to pull the trigger.

Phew! So that's the bulk of it--Happy New Year!


Tracy said...

Wow. It was good catching up. You have a lot going on. I'm glad Mister changed his mind about trying to have another child...please quit blaming yourself. You know it could just as easily be his issue, and how would you feel then? You wouldn't blame him, would you? You guys are in this together.

I can't remember...why have you not tried IVF before? Is it the money factor (which is a darn good reason...) Anyway, I hope it works for you.

I know what you mean about New Years. I've had some pretty sucky ones, too. I hope next year is a little more celebratory for you.

Frenchie said...

We didn't try IVF because the first RE we saw gave us such dismal odds--and after just coming through a miscarriage, I wasn't ready to gamble with my sanity. Also, it was a money thing. We figured we could gamble on treatments and maybe wind up with no child, or we could adopt, and definitely start a family. We didn't have unlimited resources to try both. At the time it just seemed like a stupid idea.

luna said...

wow, frenchie, so much going on! best of luck looking for the right place. and wishing you well as you consider your treatment options.

thanks for sharing your updates!

luna said...

oh, and I meant to say that sucks about your NYE! hope the aftermath has faded...

Just me said...

Oooh. Your tooth issues make me nervous- I don't have chipped teeth, but my two front teeth do have small fissures through the enamel (hard to see unless in direct light). Not looking forward to some day having to deal with that...

The fertility stuff scuks, and I am just at the beginning of the whole process. (2 medicated cycles, 1 IUI, working on the third medicated/2nd IUI cycle...) Our tests came back supposedly "normal" and I still feel like my body is failing both me and my husband by not growing a baby. The more people I know who get pregnant (especially those who do it seemingly effortlessly) the more I feel impregnable.

Good luck to you with your planning, decisions, and the aftermath!!!