And as for birthdays--35 was horrible. Especially after two and a half years of trying to conceive, an early pregnancy loss, and a horrible diagnosis of DOR/POF. I don't know of any woman who wants to hear, at age 34, that she is going to be going in to menopause.
So, birthdays, then, and since, have been sort of prickly. Painful, even.
And there is no birthday I was looking forward to less than turning 38. That was the age I sort of held in my mind since childhood, as just TOO OLD to become a mom. Because that's when my mom had me---and I was always deemed a 'miracle'. Because, you know, she was so OLD.
Well, over time I've developed different notions than my parents held about what is old and what is not. As I've talked about before, through this infertility journey and through becoming a parent in my mid-30's, I've decided that a lot of age is emotional and mental. But, still....38 held special meaning for me. And I knew, as I turned 37, that my chances of ever becoming pregnant and giving birth before 38 were gone. But turning 37 also gave me new determination. A sort of 'this is it' or a 'now or never' attitude that brought me to a new doctor, a laperoscopy, and plans for more fertility treatments. I wasn't going to go into year #38 with unresolved options or what-if's. I hoped to try everything ('everything' being limited of course to what we could afford) and then, hopefully, move on. Once and for all.
Well, what a difference a year makes. Or three years. Or five, depending on how you want to look at it. But, for the first time in years, I am really looking forward to celebrating this year's birthday. 38 looks pretty good to me.