Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'm Still Here

I'm still here. Sorry about the last vitriolic post. I was upset. Obviously. I'm still not happy about the current situation, but... there it is. I took a bit of a break from my heavy-duty blogging so sorry to all my bloggie friends for not checking in and commenting as often as I normally do, but it was actually a good thing. I think. I mean, when I'm trolling around the blogs in our little (big) Infertility/Pregnancy loss world, it seems like many of my buds are in treatment. And many of you, hopefully all of you, will be pregnant soon (if not already). Even though going through treatment is rough, believe it or not, I'm actually jealous of those of you able to be able to DO something. I know that sounds totally insane--and it probably is. (This whole IF thing is insane, no?) But as I sit here on the bench, not able to play in the game, it's just, well--depressing. It helps if I'm not constantly comparing myself to everyone else: She's older than me, she's younger than me, she's doing IVF, she got pregnant from an IUI, she's doing this, she's doing that, blah, blah, blah....! It's crazy-making. My brain just runs on and on and never shuts up. (Did I mention I'm insane? Yeah. It's stupid.)

So, it's not you--it's me.

I was going to wait to post until I had something to actually report, but not much is happening. But, if I still have any readers who are interested, here's what's happening.

Mister started his new job. He likes working there--but things are crazy right now, and he rarely gets home before 8 p.m. It's hard.

I am furiously trying to get my sh*t together for my trip to St. Thomas! I'm having a hard time finding a way to get my flowers shipped. In the olden days (pre-9/11) I could just have my local broker at the SF Flower Market pack up all my flowers and ship everything for me overnight on F.ed E.x. Now, with all the crazy homeland security stuff, customs can hold things up so long that F.ed E.x no longer ships flowers overseas. (Flowers are perishable, after all, and if they sit in customs for 3 days, well, they're dead, and the customer is very unhappy). So anyway, I'm looking into other options, and I won't bore you with the details, but one way or another, I will get flowers to the island (we're talking A LOT of flowers) and this event will happen. I hope to have time to post from there and let you guys know about all the crazy antics and hilarity that is sure to ensue.

Sometimes it strikes me that I have the weirdest job in the world.


On the financial front, things are still dicey. I had to file an extension with the IRS because Handsome Man does not have a SSN yet. (I guess I'm stupid but I didn't realize babies had to have SSN's. Now I know.) So, filed an extension, made a partial payment (all that I could do) and after I get through this St. Thomas event, I'll get back on the ball with my CPA and see what we can do. She's really great and I know she will do her best to find any deductions for us she can, but I owe, no matter what. As for that product that Mister and his FORMER! (thank goodness) business partner were going to possibly sell, it goes something like this: It needs some more work to be ready to sell. I do not understand completely but as Mister explains it, is is the type of thing that his former business partner (let's call him Joe) needs to work on. Joe, however, states he doesn't feel like working on it. Why? It would require him to do like 10 hours of work "for free." He doesn't feel like doing any work he's not getting paid for. You may be asking, but wouldn't it be worth it to be able to ultimately sell it and get rid of a huge chunk or maybe even all of the debt leftover from your business? That's what I said. Mister is exasperated, but doesn't feel like arguing with Joe any more. He pushed and prodded and argued with Joe for 3 years, and he is done, with a capital D. So, we're trying to look ahead and not behind, at least Mister won't have to deal with Joe anymore.

Our new health insurance kicks in tomorrow, so I'll be looking into finding a new gyno--and checking out if I can get a lap covered. At least I can do that. I've heard of lots of people who have had endo removed and were able to get pregnant. Now, I don't know if I have endo, but would like to at least rule it out. Makes sense, no? We shall see.

So, don't know what else to report. I'm just hoping we get a windfall of cash from somewhere, and can get back on track.

In other, happier, more inspiring news: If you have the time or the inclination, go over and wish my friend Char a hearty congratulations on her adoption news, (and please remind her to breathe) as she has just recently found out that she will soon be the proud mother of a baby to be born in a matter of weeks. She has waited for this for a long time for this and I am so happy for her!


Duck said...

Have fun in St. Thomas, yes lots of women with endo do a lap and get pregnant and lots, like myself, do many surgeries and still no baby so it's a toss up.

I too am jealous of people cycling, my last "break because of cranky body" was 6 months, now i'm in month 3 of not cycling and its driving me crazy, smart to take a break from it all.

Kami said...

I am right there with you on the first paragraph. I still long to cycle again (with my own eggs). I compare and find myself lacking or wondering, "Why her and not me?"

I am looking forward the story of the flower shipments . . .maybe some pictures after they arrive?

Sounds like other things are coming together. Let's hope it continues that way.

s.e. said...

Good to hear your voice again. I defintiely understand needed to back away from blogging especially when things are on hold for you.
"Sitting on the bench" is so damn hard even without watching others get to play. You have lots going on right now so maybe the break is good timing in the grand scheme of things. And I have thought flower shop employees had such a neat job since I saw Bed of Roses years ago. St. Thomas is a wonderful perk!