Reflecting

I couldn't figure out at first, why, when we went to Babies R Us this weekend, to get some necessities, and add some items to our registry, I started crying in the middle of the store. Here I was, with my cute husband, and my new son, at the mecca of mommyhood--Babies R Us! A place that normally, I would have avoided like the plague! What was my deal? Well, with my new baby in tow, I didn't have time, or the desire, to dwell last week, on the fact, that I had reached my one year anniversary of my miscarriage/D&C surgery, on April 12th. But, as I walked through the aisles of Baby Mecca on Sunday, past every pregnant woman in the county, I had a minor melt down. Now, most women would be proud of abs as flat as mine, but as I walked past all these fertile, young, big-bellied women, as Mister proudly pushed the stroller around, as I gripped my registry "gun", I felt, well, like a big, impotent, flat-bellied, barren, impostor.

Why can't I get over the pregnancy thing? I love my son. He is truly a miracle. I am so grateful. So, why can't I just be 100% happy? I feel like I need a lobotomy. Just saying...