Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Frenchie, What Were You Thinking?

I have to ask myself, what WAS I thinking? So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. No big deal, but this year I am hosting it (at the wonderful home of Mister's parents, out in the country. They are in Morrocco *nice!* so we have the big house all to ourselves). I am hosting Thanksgiving for Mister, HM and myself, as well as my mom, sister, brother-in-law, you may recall, HM's BIRTHMOTHER and her mom and dad, Mark and Patty. Oh. My. God. Okay, let's break it down. Why am I freaking out? Cooking Thanksgiving dinner? I've done it before. It's been a while, but I have done it. Actually before I started my Floral Empire, I was quite the entertainer. I threw a lot of Holiday parties, dinner parties, etc. I was a regular mini Mar.tha S.tewart. Poor Mister, never has really gotten to know that side of me. But anyway, I digress. Thanksgiving meal, no problem. Seeing Eryn for the first time since HM was born? Well, sure, I'm a little nervous, but we've been looking forward to seeing her for a while. We've been trying to make it happen for some time. The fact that is happening on a major holiday gives it a little extra edge, sure, but whatever. I can handle it. So, what I am really freaking out about? What is causing me to toss and turn? Why is my stomach tied up in knots (ok I'm exaggerating a bit, but I like to make it dramatic.)? This: My MOTHER + Eryn. In the same room. Trapped. No where to go. Why is this a potential problem? Let me try to explain. My mom is, well, one of those people who is just what I would describe as "out of touch." I always say that she lives on her own planet. It's not just that she's getting older, she's always sort of been that way. But of course it gets more pronounced with age. I never know what little gems are going to come out of her mouth. It's not malicious on her part (at least I don't think so) but man! she can come out with some doozies. Usually it's just embarrassing or frustrating, but given the emotional scenario of Eryn being there, it's like walking through a potential mine-field of possible whoppers.

Allow me to provide you with an example of just how out there she can be.

Let me take you back 20 months. Mister and I were in Boise for the birth of our son. Handsome Man had just gotten released from the hospital, and we were allowed to take him "home" with us (home to our hotel room). We were happy, amazed, freaked, excited and in a state of disbelief... so we did what any new parents would do, we picked up the phone and started calling our family to let them know we had our son. We were finally parents. First we called Mister's parents. They were so happy...and they were feeling nostalgic themselves, since it reminded them of their own experience of coming home with Mister when they adopted him. Nice. Then, we called my mom. I don't remember it verbatim, but let me try to replicate our conversation for you. It went a little something like this:

Me: Hi Mom! We've got our son! We're here in our hotel with him right now!
Mom: Oh that's wonderful! How is it going?
Me: So far so good. We're really happy.
Mom: Oh, how wonderful. Are you keeping in contact with The Mother?

Me: You mean his Birthmother?
Mom: Uh, oh, yes. How is she? Are you keeping in touch?
Me: Yes, we've been visiting with her and the baby at the hospital every day. We'll probably see her again in a day or two. We talk on the phone.
Mom: Oh that's good. She'll probably be able to give you lots of advice on how to take care of the baby.
Me: What!!????
Mom: Oh, well, she can probably give you lots of tips.
Me: Ok. Mister wants to talk to you.

Okay. So in my mom's world I guess the Biological Mother must inherintly know more than I ever will about how to take care of a baby. Nevermind the fact that I've been wanting, hoping, dying to become a mother for YEARS, that I am a grown woman in her mid-thirties, that I have been an aunt since I was 8 years old. Never mind all of that. Never mind the fact that Eryn, despite all her awesomeness and amazing maturity and strength in deciding to make an adoption plan for her child, is, afterall a teenager who is NOT READY TO BE A MOM! Aggghhh! The comment hurt me on so many levels. I mean, way to be supportive of your daughter, right? Way to believe in me. I guess I will never be a "real" mother in her eyes. But whatever. That's between me and her. What I am not looking forward to is, what crazy comments are likely to come spilling out when she actually gets in the room with Eryn! I mean, I expect she may say something that will hurt my feelings. Fine. But I really, really, really, hope she doesn't say something to insult, hurt, embarrass or otherwise make Eryn feel downright uncomfortable and wonder what kind of F***ed up family she let her child be adopted into.


It will all be fine, right?

Anyway, Mark texted me yesterday and said:

We are so excited to see you guys, and we can't wait to love all over Handsome Man.

Nice. I love those guys. We are truly blessed to have such an amazing relationship with HM's birthfamily. And, no matter what happens, we have a lot to give thanks for this year.

But keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow, k?

Luckily, we bought lots and lots of wine. :)


luna said...

oh frenchie, I feel for you on this.

my mom has no filters and I think I will be terrified if we are ever in the same situation... wine might make her even worse. remind me to tell you sometime about the joke she told in front of my in-laws the night before our wedding. yikes.

I really really hope it all goes well, with eryn especially. I know what a great relationship you have with her parents, which is so wonderful.

are you getting any help with the cooking and prep? are they all staying with you? I want details. most of all, hope you can enjoy your wonderful feast and party. I know you'll have beautiful flowers!

Lori said...

Oh dear. I think you should get a head start on the wine. Like, tonight.

OR. Start your mom on the wine tonight.

I'll be thinking of you. Could be a wonderful day!

luna said...

frenchie, did you get my long rambling comment? or did the internet eat it?

hope you have some help, and yes, you'll neeed that wine too!

Bee Cee said...

Hope it all went well. Give us an update when you get time. Hope your Mum didn't put her foot in it and that you all had a fantastic time together.

nick said...

My personal favorite was when we were at your mom's house with your sister and her husband, and we first broke the news to everyone that we were going to adopt a child. Your mother said something like, "Well, I don't know if I could really love an adopted child as much as my own."

You reminded her that I'm adopted and your sister's husband (who was also sitting right there) is adopted too.

The funniest thing was that I could see her thinking about it, and she wasn't thinking "oops, that came out wrong," or "oh, that's right, they *are* both adopted," but instead, "hmmm... I wonder if their parents really loved them as much as their own children... I doubt it!"

JJ said...

Hopefully everything went a-OK--and that the wine did wonders ;)

Tiff said...

Ok, I am dying here. How did it go? Spill the beans! I Hope it was a great time for all and no uncomfortableness.
Please update when you can!

Peeveme said...

How'd it go?