Squeaky Mommy Gets the Grease

Below is the letter (slightly edited for privacy reasons) that I sent to our Board of Education regarding Handsome Man's botched assessment and their denial of services. I sent a copy to Mrs. G., the woman who so blithely told me on the phone 'no further action was required' and also told me, when I asked if the assessment could be challenged or re-done, 'no there is no way to challenge it, the assessment stands.' Bullshit. I contacted a parent advocacy group and found that she was flat-out lying. They gave me a form letter to start from that I used to pen my little missive here, requesting a comprehensive assessment. I also sent a letter to the director of the Special Ed Dept. (her boss) and a few other key people in the mix.

3/7/11

Dear Ms. G____:

I am the parent of {Handsome Man}, who will be turning 4 years old this month. On November 17, 2010, your secretary, Miss H_____, took my initial application for an IEP assessment over the phone and at the same time, {Handsome Man's} psychologist, Dr. _____, faxed you her clinical assessment pertaining to {HM's} ADHD and co-morbid ODD. The file sat on your desk for over a month. At the time he was attending preschool at ________ Nursery School. Not only did I request and IEP for {HM}, so did the school, with great urgency.

In January, he was assessed by Mr. J_____ through your “Child Find/SELPA” program to determine eligibility for an IEP.

During the assessment, {HM} was displaying his typical problems pertaining to his disability. He could not sit still, listen, take direction, or answer questions directly. However, Mr. J__ went out of his way, taking {HM} outside to run up and down the hill, in between each question or task to get him through the sequence of testing. He even told me at the end of the assessment, that no other assessor would have been able to get him through the tests. He took at least twice the allotted time to get {HM} through the tests. To be frank, I feel that the bare test results are not a fair depiction of the challenges that {Handsome Man} faces. While I feel that Mr. J__ would be a wonderful instructor for {HM}, it seems that by giving {HM} special treatment in order to answer the questions, Mr. J____ “threw” the test. After the assessment was completed, I called you the following week (as I had not received anything from your office--{and still have not to this day}--) and was told that {HM} was not approved for an IEP and that “no further action is needed.” Ms. G____. I ask you, how a student who cannot sit still, cannot focus, take direction, interpret questions, or socialize with other students or teachers in an appropriate manner can possibly be able to participate in a school environment, and therefore learn and become educated along with his peers? If he cannot sit through a three-hour preschool program, or do the preschool curriculum, how is he expected to move on to Kindergarten at age 5? In fact, since your rejection, I have had to take {HM} out of his preschool because his teachers simply could not continue to teach {HM}, not because of any failing on their part, but because his behavior became too unmanageable and was a disruption to the rest of the class.

It is my understanding, under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) that children with ADHD and related issues, need to be considered for eligibility under the ‘Other Health Impairment” category.

I am requesting a comprehensive assessment in all areas related to suspected disability to determine whether {HM} is eligible for special education and/or related services either under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (including the Other Health Impairment category) or Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

I am requesting this assessment because as stated above, {HM} cannot participate in basic preschool curriculum and is therefore going to be (if not already) behind his peers, educationally.The following interventions and accommodations have already been tried: Attending class with a parent, special accommodations by teachers to give him more time for transitions, sitting next to teacher during circle time, warnings, time-outs, extra exercise, and medications for ADHD, and dietary changes. However, my student continues to struggle in school with sitting still, taking direction, interacting with students and teachers, following through with tasks, appropriate behavior in the classroom and on the playground, impulsive behaviors, disruptive behaviors, and emotional outbursts.

As stated above, {HM} has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD by Dr. _____, a licensed clinical child psychologist.

It is my understanding that I will hear back from you in writing within 15 days of this request. I look forward to hearing from you and working with you and your staff.

Sincerely,

{Angry Mom}

Boom! Take that Mrs. G!! You could say I was a little pissed and it probably showed. But, guess what? I've got the department speech therapist and the department child psychologist coming to my house in two weeks to do two assessment of Handsome Man. I have not heard from Mrs. G. but I suspect her boss instructed her NOT to contact me, because I was already pissed enough. I have received phone calls from her boss and another coordinator within the department with apologies. I was amazed at how fast things started to happen once I sent the letter. The only reason the assessments aren't happening sooner is due to the two week Spring Break happening right now.

I am Angry Mama Bear--Hear ME ROAR!!

Now just crossing my fingers that we do get the desired result from these upcoming assessments: help with Handsome Man for school and at home!!!!

Long Time, No Post

A quickie:

Still trying to figure things out for Handsome Man. It is just not going to happen overnight. On the recommendations of some of my other Mom friends, I am switching pediatricians to one closer to home--whom my aforementioned Mom friends really like. We would like to see a psychiatrist, but found out with our current insurance we will have to pay out of pocket (to the tune of 200.00 a pop) until our deductible is met.

I did some digging and found that the Board of Education is required to review our case again--under what's called an IEE (Individual Education Evaluation). So I have a sample form letter I need to fill in with our particular info, and then send via registered mail. Then they will be legally bound.

We have stopped giving him his medication because he was just. not. sleeping. Sleeping has gotten better since we stopped the meds. We will see--it's hard to know what's what since we were having sleep issues before the meds anyway. Still, he needs to be on something during the day, and I am going to ask the new doctor (we have an appointment on Thursday) about the non-stimulant meds. In the meantime, I have pulled him out of preschool, as it was causing much too much anxiety for him (and me). We are going to try a program called 'Stepping Stones' which parents attend with kids (since that is what I was having to do anyway) only this program is set up for moms who have babies too (they can bring them) and it is less expensive. Also it goes in 6 week increments, so if after 6 weeks it's not working for us, then no biggie.

We are considering Montessori, (which we can't afford) or possibly moving to another county where we can get better resources. (Which will mean walking away from our house and renting somewhere else). Mister has a meeting scheduled with an attorney next week to discuss these possibilities.

Grace is getting bigger by the day. She has two teeth and is starting to cruise. Time is going by way too fast.

Oh yeah, and I turned 39 on Feb 10th. Dear good God. Of course this birthday didn't sting like previous birthdays. I have more wrinkles and grey hairs than I used to, but I also have my 2 kids, so... it's all good.

Okay, So THAT Happened...

...As feared. I called the BOE this morning regarding Handsome Man's assessment. Their answer was that since he scored well on the tests (i.e. he is smart--but we knew that) they are NOT going to move forward and provide us with an IEP (Individual Education Plan). I have been on the phone all morning and have had a good cleansing cry.... and I think I am now ready to FIGHT. I spoke to HM's psychologist and she basically said that not getting an IEP was bullshit AND illegal, re: Federal and State Mandates. I have some homework to do this week. *Sigh*

CRAP!!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday: At the Park

Quick Update

Thank you everyone for the comments/support. The appointment for Handsome Man went really well (I think). The gentleman that did his assessment was an absolute saint. He kept taking HM outside to run in between questions/tasks because HM could just not. sit. still. (Came to find out that this man also coaches track and field--ha ha). Anyway, it took us a while to get through all the questions and tasks since we had to keep taking running breaks in order to get HM's attention/focus, but he actually did really well. In a way I'm afraid he did too well and he won't be let into the program, but the assessor assured me he would let the board know exactly what he had to do and how hard he had to work to get HM to focus long enough to answer questions. He also told me (and of course I already knew this) that HM is very smart. Yep. I know. We just need some extra help so he can use that brain and learn in school!!

So now we wait for the letter which will tell us 1. if he's "in" and 2. what their recommendations are going forward. Fingers crossed.

Handsome Man: Please Send Good Thoughts

So things seem to be not getting better with Handsome Man, despite our best efforts so far. After several visits with the child psychologist (who originally diagnosed his ADHD/ODD) we were encouraged to try some medication. We were against it at first, but, as time went on, we realized we needed to do something to break the cycle of bad behavior=negative attention=more bad behavior. We're not just talking about your typical 3-year-old stuff. I can go into more detail at some point, but let's suffice it to say that we felt desperate. Not just for ourselves, but for him. It breaks our hearts to see our beautiful boy struggling so much and dealing with so much. It is not that he is a "bad" kid, "spoiled" or anything like that (though that may be what it looks like to the outside observer--just ask any of the people gawking at us the other day when he had a major meltdown at the grocery store). He can not control his impulses. At all. And his emotions are all over the place and totally out of control. He is suffering, really and truly. It is like he is trapped in his own mind/body that is just not functioning the way it should, the way it could. So, PLEASE don't send me hateful messages because I put my preschooler on medication. We debated. We tried special diets first. We consulted with a doctor of TCM also (and still are). But we needed to do more. And so, at first the medication seemed to help. And, then, not really. If anything, it seems like things are getting worse. Our follow up yesterday with the child psychologist confirmed this.

Anyway, the reason for this post is, really, to ask everyone for their prayers or good thoughts for us TOMORROW. Because tomorrow we (finally!) have our screening scheduled with the County Board of Education/Special Ed program. They will assess Handsome Man and then we will find out if his condition qualifies him for the program. WE NEED THIS. If he gets into the program we expect they will have a behavioral therapist who will be able to work one-on-one with him at his school, and they will create an "IFP" or an "IEP" for us--and I'm hoping, we'll get plugged into a greater network of help that we can utilize. I am still trying to sort everything out and figure out where to get help and how. When you find out your child has a special need, it's not like someone hands you a manual on what to do. It's more like following a trail of breadcrumbs.

As far as the meds go, the pediatrician said we could safely up his dose, based on his weight/height etc.. I am going to try this and monitor him carefully. The psychologist said we should be able to see improvement within one week if it is working. If not, then we need to try something else. I asked her for a referral for a child psychiatrist, who could help us with this more on the medication side. Obviously, I don't want to drug my child without cause, or forever, but we need to find a way in with him, so that we can even get to the point where he can benefit and handle say, weekly sessions with a behavioral therapist. At this point he's not even able to do school, unless I'm there to shadow him throughout the day. This is difficult for me to do since I have Grace with me.

Please hold us in your thoughts tomorrow morning, and hopefully we will be getting some more help/answers soon.

Perfect Moment Monday: Wagon Ride

When Handsome Man was a young toddler, his grandparents gave him a red radio-flyer wagon. The wagon is outfitted with two seats, which fold up and down, and seat-belts, for pulling around precious toddler belongings, or for pulling around precious toddlers themselves. HM absolutely loved his wagon. And I loved pulling him around in it, too. Our trips to the park were just that much more Norman-Rockwellian: my toe-headed boy in his bright red wagon, and me the picture of parenthood towing him along, singing silly songs or making choo-choo sounds. But, as every silver lining seems to have a grey cloud to many an Infertile, I always looked wistfully at that empty second seat. I envied the invisible multitude of parents out there pulling around full wagons, those that had purchased this model to hold not one, but two little kids. It made me sad not just for me, but for Handsome Man, too: I never wanted to raise him as an only child.

Then, last spring, amazingly, Grace came into our family. As the spring turned into summer, I thought about that wagon, but I felt she was still too little and fragile for wagon rides. And, Handsome Man was moving on to bigger things now, like a big boy bike and cool helmet. I figured that by the time Grace was robust enough to ride in the wagon and go over bumps without sliding down or falling over, that Big Brother would deem the wagon 'baby stuff' and want no part of it.

Then yesterday, the sun came out long enough to warrant a trip to the park down the street. Grace was sleeping, so HM and I went together while Mister stayed home. At the park there were 3 other little kids--all riding their bikes. Handsome Man then wanted to ride his bike too--so we trudged back home to get it. When HM gets something in his head, it is very, very hard to dissuade or redirect him; this is part of being a three-year-old, and part of it is his ADHD. So, when we got back home, got his bike, put air in the tires, and then realized we'd left his helmet behind at grandma and grandpa's house the previous weekend, the melt-down began. Which of course woke baby sister up from her nap. The pleasant afternoon was about to turn into another one of our marathon melt-downs that can go on for hours. I could feel my muscles tightening and my mood plummeting. Then, as a Hail-Mary and said, "would you like to take a ride in your wagon?" Amazingly, he looked at me, stopped crying, and smiled: Yes! It worked! "Can baby sister come with us?" I ventured. Sometimes he is less than enthusiastic about sharing his things, or more importantly, his time with Mommy, with his baby sister. To my great surprise his answer this time was "Yeah!"

So there I was, pulling around the little red wagon with two kiddos. Grace loved her first wagon ride. Handsome Man is almost too big, his long lanky legs taking up a lot of space, but he seemed to thoroughly enjoy being pulled around, and kept saying, "Faster Mommy!" Our trip to the park eventually turned into a long walk around the neighborhood, met with many smiles from the neighbors. I couldn't help but think of how lucky I was, and what a very perfect moment it was. I know by the end of summer (or even sooner) Handsome Man will really be too big for his little wagon and like many of his other old toys it will become Grace's by default. So I was very grateful to have a wish fulfilled. I should have taken a picture, but I was too busy enjoying the moment as it happened. I did however, take a picture the other day of a similar moment while shopping at Cos.tco. The only place I know where the shopping carts are double-wide: fit with two seats for little ones. Again, even though HM is really too big for the seat, he wanted to ride this time. Maybe he was just tired from all the walking, or maybe he just wanted to ride along with his little sis. Either way, precious.